MY HAMSTER DIED.

i accomplished absolutely nothing this summer
and pretty much wasted all of it.

& if i'm nervous i won't show it
my words still come out right
i'm the most impressive product
around.

um
the end.

vacation
is in two days
woo

summer is good
kind of boring
lots of babysitting
bleh.




this is because i can spell confusion with a k
it's hard to like it
it's to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
it's to jimmy eat world
& those nights in my car
but this time i'm alone
and i don't see those stars
i'm not your star

i want to have the same last dream again
the one where i wake up & i'm alive
just as the four walls close me within
my eyes are opened up with pure sunlight
i'm the first to know
my dearest friends
even if your hope has burned with time
anything that's dead shall be re-grown
& your vicious pain
your warning sign
you will be fine
hey oh here i am
& here we go
life's waiting to begin.

so panic! came last night
it was fabulous
as usual.

after the show
i met greta from the hush sound
she's pretty much my hero
it was amazing.

vacation in six days
i don't have anything
to write about anymore.

PANIC!
is tonight
i'm leaving in
like 30 minutes
by myself
haha
yayy

& if i die in my sleep
are you still willing
to be everything you
promised you would be?

vacation is soon
panic! comes sooner
yay :]

promise yourself
that this isn't
all we've got

yesterday was my birthday
so now i'm 15
yeahh

vacation with ari is soon
i'm pretty excitedd

sometimes songs on my playlist
come on over & over
so i'm like
wow its a sign
and i try to figure out what it means
because i'm pretty cool like that.

yeah twice is nice
but three times is just right

oh yeah,
i get to meet pete.

tomorrow is june
which means
panic!, greeley, & vacation

yesterday the rocket summer was here
i forgot to get a ticket though

ari, luke, & kristen took me to the movies
for my birthday
we saw stick it, it was pretty good
plus luke got me a over the hedge stuffed animal
its the little racoon
& a hello kitty coloring book :]

last night
kristen ari kyle & i
watched a really sad movie
we didn't cry though.

i'm watching my sister
and i totally forgot i was
making macaroni & cheese
haha

my birthday is in 3 days
15 babyy

arianna & i leave for vacation
in 18 days
panic! comes in 11
yayy

i think in decimals and dollars
i am the cause to all your problems

so far summer is good
my hamster bit me 4 times today
stupid.

new icon
old picture
kind of.

school is finally out.

i have to reset my password
on this thing each time i
log in becuase i always forget
what it is.

summer is going
to be amazing
hopefully.

right now i'm
exhausted

i got an a on most
of my finals
i'm pretty impressed.

i'm going to go
watch a movie.
goodnight




oh yeah, p.s.
i'm getting a new cell phone
FINALLY

look, i finally used the music thing.

this place was never the same again
after you came & went
how can you say you meant
anything different to anyone
standing alone on the street
with a ciggarette on the
first night we met
look to the past
and remember and smile
and maybe tonight i breathe
for a while i'm not
in this scene i think
i'm falling asleep
but then all that it
means is i'll always
be dreaming of you.

& today was a day just like any other

i found a letter that said
i'm sorry that you were asleep
when i wrote these words down
you'd think i ought to be
used to that by now

sticks and stones, love

this isn't like us anyway

we're gonna die like this
you know
miserable and old

slip into the tragedy

well my love is not a bank statement.

sometimes i wonder if
that when i actually do grow up
i'll regret that i wasted my childhood
wishing my youth away

anyways
i failed my last math test
& got a c on my last spanish one
oh fabulous

can we pretend
to leave & then
we'll meet again
when both our cars collide

my chemical romance
is lovely.

arianna
thinks i'm shallow
& that livejournals
are for attention whores.

i didn't go to school yesterday
i helped dad move instead.

panic! comes in 24 days
its sold out
i know no one else
with tickets.

so far this year
i've destroyed:
2 cell phones
2 ipods
2 relationships
4 binders
1 backpack
1 digital camera
2 chairs
& a calculator
aren't you proud?

i get bored of things
so easily.

alright, bed now.

finally
i'm letting go of all my downer thoughts
in no time there'll be one less sad robot
looking for a chance to be something
more than just metal




next, please

school is almost out
finally

i know i won't miss school itself
and i'm beginning to doubt
i'll miss anything else about it either.

i always wished that you would listen

right now i feel like
screaming really loud
maybe i will
go outside & see if you can hear me.

a very cute boys said:
"When you add up all the pros and cons-
whichever side of the list you are on always wins."

i think he's brilliant
but of course i do.




_edit
actually, i do hate you
not really.
dislike you
okay.

today was our last play in drama
i'm going to miss that
but i think that's all



HEY
it's not going to happen.

if i hear your name one more time i think i'm going to be sick.
i am very tired of all of this.

also, i hate you
a lot
except not.

if we could both find a way
to do the things that we say
we might not sit in our rooms
and drink our daydreams away.

i wonder how stupid you think we are.
& i wonder when
i'll have to paint my room.

p.s. patricks birthday was april 27
he's twenty-two now.

i really like music
i don't do sports
i want to grow up
so i'm old enough
to fall in love.

i'm afraid to get old
and i don't want to die.

i don't like to judge people;
label them
it makes me mad.

arianna & i discovered
gmail chat
it turns your smiley faces over
so they're right way up
and not like this: :]
its so amazing.

i'm trying to think of how
to explain something
but i can't
sometimes i get so scared
to do something
and even though i probably should
i don't.
maybe that's kind of it.

i just wanna break you down so badly
well i trip over everything you say.

THE TRUTH IS

i've never fallen so hard.

last night we watched hostel
it was one of the worst movies i've ever seen.
there was about 2 scary parts
the special effects were horrible
& it was almost as stupid as the grudge.
haha yepp

other than that
this week has been fun.
except not

[+] jari's {and patrick's!} birthday was on thursday

thats when you
stststutter something profound
to the support on the line
& with the way you've been talking
every word gets you a step
closer to hell.

[-] off the top of my head i can think of
three reasons why my week sucked.

i get the rest of my braces on tuesday
woo?




_edit
and theres a drug in the thermostat
to warm the room up and theres
another around to help us bend
your trust i've got a sunset
in my viens and i need to take
a pill to make this town
feel okay the best part
of believe is the lie
i hope you sing along and you're
still alive i need to keep
you like this in my mind
so give in or just give up.

right now
i don't know.

isn't that fabulous.

mm

live journal amuses me.

yesterday victoria & arianna came over
we played sims
and made a pretty fantastic family.
then we did other stuff
like walking to the park
and watching a movie.
we told scary stories
that weren't really scary.
and this morning we had
chocolate chip pancakes.

i had to go to ariannas today
and download a bunch of stuff on her new computer
because she didn't know how.
then i took a shower
and we ate dinner

tonight we went to the red letter may show
it was pretty neat.
then we all went to wendys
& then me arianna stephen and austin went to lukes
luke put my shoe down his pants
but overall it was pretty fun.